Music is a universal language that transcends words, language, and emotions. It is one of the most powerful tools to increase learning, especially for children and adolescents. It also helps mirror what we may be feeling inside when we can't find the words to describe our emotions. It can connect us with memories in an instant in a way nothing else can.
Because of this unspoken force, music can actually be a powerful tool that you can use in your everyday life to manage conflict and reconnect with loved ones. Here are a few ways it can help:
To Resolve a Fight with Your Significant Other/Spouse
We all go through times where we may not be as connected with our partner. We all fight. It's a normal part of any relationship. When you find yourself in the midst of a fight, be the one to take the high road; the one who doesn't have to "be right" and wave the white flag so to speak. After tempers have calmed, express that you want to move on from the argument. Then turn on an album that both of you love. Even if you do this without saying anything to each other, it will change the mood drastically.
To Reconnect with Each Other
Typically, we have "a song" or even a group of songs/artists that you may have listened to when you first got together with your partner. You may have even gone to concerts or other memorable events where these songs played a part in your time together. A great way to reconnect is to play some of those songs when you're together. It can be at home or in the car. You can start playing it instead of your usual Pandora/Spotify playlist or channel. Do it so your partner notices. It can be that easy. Before you know it you'll be reminiscing about those special first moments together.
To Move Past Feeling Stuck and/or Burned Out
It can be hard to move past that feeling of burn out or generally feeling stuck. Connecting with music/art can be a great way to get past this roadblock. Remember, this is just for you, it's not an art show or a music performance. Pick up a paintbrush or that guitar or ukulele you used to play (or another instrument you were just starting to learn, but haven't played in a while) and give it a strum/strike/whirl. You will be surprised how connecting with these skills, even if they're rusty (or jumping into trying a new one!) can be liberating and help us feel empowered and passionate about life again.
To Connect to Your Child/Teenager
Let's be honest for a minute - it can be REALLY hard to connect with our children at times, especially teenagers. It comes with the territory. But, there are some things you can try related to music that could open up opportunities for connecting. If you're in the car, try asking your older child/teen if they could play a new song they've been listening to and see if they'll play it for you. Even if you hate it/don't understand it (don't say so), ask questions about the artist, ask how they got into that song/artist. For younger kids, turn off the "wheels on the bus" that you've listened to for the thousandth time and play a song (don't ask for their permission, just go for it) that you loved to listen to when you were younger, or something that you and your spouse listened to together. Kids love to hear about your life in the past that they haven't been a part of. They want to know more when you share these tiny, specific details with them. Give it a try and see what happens. You can also try playing "name that tune" in the car by playing only the first few seconds of a song and seeing if anyone can guess it. Use some of their songs, your songs, mix it up and have fun!
These are just a few ways that music can help build connection and diffuse conflict at home. We explore this much further using research-based music therapy techniques in therapy sessions. If any of this spoke to you or piqued your interest, please leave a comment below, subscribe to our blog, or take a moment and schedule your free 15 minute consultation with us today.
Written by Alexandra Field, MS, LMFT, MT-BC
Clinical Director, Psychotherapist & Music Therapist
