We are excited to announce that we are hiring part-time and/or full-time clinicians! Please find out more here:
https://www.thecenterforcreativetherapy.com/employment/
Please fill out the form on the above page and click submit. Additionally, please email a copy of your cover letter and resume to alexandra@thecenterforcreativetherapy.com.
Please contact Owner/Clinical Director Alexandra Field at 661.383.2252 or alexandra@thecenterforcreativetherapy.com with additional questions.
Music is a universal language that transcends words, language, and emotions. It is one of the most powerful tools to increase learning, especially for children and adolescents. It also helps mirror what we may be feeling inside when we can't find the words to describe our emotions. It can connect us with memories in an instant in a way nothing else can.
Because of this unspoken force, music can actually be a powerful tool that you can use in your everyday life to manage conflict and reconnect with loved ones. Here are a few ways it can help:
To Resolve a Fight with Your Significant Other/Spouse
We all go through times where we may not be as connected with our partner. We all fight. It's a normal part of any relationship. When you find yourself in the midst of a fight, be the one to take the high road; the one who doesn't have to "be right" and wave the white flag so to speak. After tempers have calmed, express that you want to move on from the argument. Then turn on an album that both of you love. Even if you do this without saying anything to each other, it will change the mood drastically.
To Reconnect with Each Other
Typically, we have "a song" or even a group of songs/artists that you may have listened to when you first got together with your partner. You may have even gone to concerts or other memorable events where these songs played a part in your time together. A great way to reconnect is to play some of those songs when you're together. It can be at home or in the car. You can start playing it instead of your usual Pandora/Spotify playlist or channel. Do it so your partner notices. It can be that easy. Before you know it you'll be reminiscing about those special first moments together.
To Move Past Feeling Stuck and/or Burned Out
It can be hard to move past that feeling of burn out or generally feeling stuck. Connecting with music/art can be a great way to get past this roadblock. Remember, this is just for you, it's not an art show or a music performance. Pick up a paintbrush or that guitar or ukulele you used to play (or another instrument you were just starting to learn, but haven't played in a while) and give it a strum/strike/whirl. You will be surprised how connecting with these skills, even if they're rusty (or jumping into trying a new one!) can be liberating and help us feel empowered and passionate about life again.
To Connect to Your Child/Teenager
Let's be honest for a minute - it can be REALLY hard to connect with our children at times, especially teenagers. It comes with the territory. But, there are some things you can try related to music that could open up opportunities for connecting. If you're in the car, try asking your older child/teen if they could play a new song they've been listening to and see if they'll play it for you. Even if you hate it/don't understand it (don't say so), ask questions about the artist, ask how they got into that song/artist. For younger kids, turn off the "wheels on the bus" that you've listened to for the thousandth time and play a song (don't ask for their permission, just go for it) that you loved to listen to when you were younger, or something that you and your spouse listened to together. Kids love to hear about your life in the past that they haven't been a part of. They want to know more when you share these tiny, specific details with them. Give it a try and see what happens. You can also try playing "name that tune" in the car by playing only the first few seconds of a song and seeing if anyone can guess it. Use some of their songs, your songs, mix it up and have fun!
These are just a few ways that music can help build connection and diffuse conflict at home. We explore this much further using research-based music therapy techniques in therapy sessions. If any of this spoke to you or piqued your interest, please leave a comment below, subscribe to our blog, or take a moment and schedule your free 15 minute consultation with us today.
Written by Alexandra Field, MS, LMFT, MT-BC
Clinical Director, Psychotherapist & Music Therapist
We've all been there. That place where you feel like you've tried every trick in the book to help your kids be better listeners, but it's not working. You're frustrated and at the end of your rope. Here are some quick tips to help you work through these challenges while keeping your sanity:
Don't Count
When we count: 1...2...don't make me get to 3 or something to that effect, our kids learn that they don't need to listen the first time. Try getting down on their level, making eye contact to make sure they hear you, and tell them what they need to do. Even have them repeat it to you if possible. Try not to tell them from the other room. We all know that doesn't usually work. It will help your kids learn to listen the first time.Breathe
Take those tips from Daniel Tiger (parents of little ones familiar with the PBS show, you'll know what I'm talking about) "When you feel so mad that you wanna roar, take a deep breath and count to four." It may seem silly, but that tiger knows what he's talking about. Breathe. Even four seconds makes a difference.Take a Time Out! (Yes, You!)
Timeouts may actually be more effective for adults (even if you aren't a parent) than for kids. Take a minute or two. Put the baby in their crib, swing, or other safe space. Give the kids some goldfish or a snack. Tell your teen to turn on his show. Then take a few minutes in your room for yourself to calm down.Remember They're Kids
They are tiny (or maybe not so tiny anymore) humans who are figuring out how to live and be in this crazy world of ours. We often have expectations of our kids that we don't even realize. We are there to help them figure out how to exist along with everyone else. That's a pretty big task. They're going to make a lot of mistakes, but that's how we all figure things out, right? Remembering to empathize with your kids can help ease your own frustrations at the mistakes they make.Remember Your Words Matter
You know that voice we all have in our head that can either motivate or cause us to second-guess ourselves? That voice is often derived from the ways our parents spoke to us. Your words have so much weight. Imagine the impact you can make if every time you want to criticize or say something in a negative tone, you used a positive one instead? When your son walks up and pushes another kid on the playground because he's frustrated that the other child took the swing first - instead of saying "Bad boy, that was an awful thing to do", you said "I see that you're upset, but that wasn't a kind thing to do. You are such a caring boy. I know you can go and make it right by apologizing." Huge difference.Whisper Instead of Raising Your Voice
Let's be honest, we've all been there. It's the 27th time you've told your daughter to put on her shoes so you can leave, and somehow she's turned into a wet noodle on the ground and can't reach her shoes that are two feet away. You want to yell. You've had it. Instead of yelling, try whispering instead. When you do this, it forces them to listen to you. That wet noodle may just have to get up to come closer and hear what you're saying and that may lead to the miraculous return of her ability to put on her shoes.Shift to Play
This one may seem counter-intuitive, but it can work wonders. If you're in the midst of a frustrating back and forth with your kids, just start chasing them and pretend you're the tickle monster or put some music on and start dancing. Sometimes this one can be hard when you're frustrated, but it can really work and help everyone refocus.These are just a few ideas that we can focus on and explore further in Therapy. If any of this struck a chord with you, leave a comment below or take a moment and schedule your free 15 minute consultation with us.
Written by Alexandra Field, MS, LMFT, MT-BC
Clinical Director, Psychotherapist & Music Therapist
The Center for Creative Therapy: Individual, Couple, and Family Counseling, Inc.
Psychotherapy and Creative Arts Therapy Servicing the Santa Clarita Valley
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