We've all been there. That place where you feel like you've tried every trick in the book to help your kids be better listeners, but it's not working. You're frustrated and at the end of your rope. Here are some quick tips to help you work through these challenges while keeping your sanity:
Don't Count
When we count: 1...2...don't make me get to 3 or something to that effect, our kids learn that they don't need to listen the first time. Try getting down on their level, making eye contact to make sure they hear you, and tell them what they need to do. Even have them repeat it to you if possible. Try not to tell them from the other room. We all know that doesn't usually work. It will help your kids learn to listen the first time.Breathe
Take those tips from Daniel Tiger (parents of little ones familiar with the PBS show, you'll know what I'm talking about) "When you feel so mad that you wanna roar, take a deep breath and count to four." It may seem silly, but that tiger knows what he's talking about. Breathe. Even four seconds makes a difference.Take a Time Out! (Yes, You!)
Timeouts may actually be more effective for adults (even if you aren't a parent) than for kids. Take a minute or two. Put the baby in their crib, swing, or other safe space. Give the kids some goldfish or a snack. Tell your teen to turn on his show. Then take a few minutes in your room for yourself to calm down.Remember They're Kids
They are tiny (or maybe not so tiny anymore) humans who are figuring out how to live and be in this crazy world of ours. We often have expectations of our kids that we don't even realize. We are there to help them figure out how to exist along with everyone else. That's a pretty big task. They're going to make a lot of mistakes, but that's how we all figure things out, right? Remembering to empathize with your kids can help ease your own frustrations at the mistakes they make.Remember Your Words Matter
You know that voice we all have in our head that can either motivate or cause us to second-guess ourselves? That voice is often derived from the ways our parents spoke to us. Your words have so much weight. Imagine the impact you can make if every time you want to criticize or say something in a negative tone, you used a positive one instead? When your son walks up and pushes another kid on the playground because he's frustrated that the other child took the swing first - instead of saying "Bad boy, that was an awful thing to do", you said "I see that you're upset, but that wasn't a kind thing to do. You are such a caring boy. I know you can go and make it right by apologizing." Huge difference.Whisper Instead of Raising Your Voice
Let's be honest, we've all been there. It's the 27th time you've told your daughter to put on her shoes so you can leave, and somehow she's turned into a wet noodle on the ground and can't reach her shoes that are two feet away. You want to yell. You've had it. Instead of yelling, try whispering instead. When you do this, it forces them to listen to you. That wet noodle may just have to get up to come closer and hear what you're saying and that may lead to the miraculous return of her ability to put on her shoes.Shift to Play
This one may seem counter-intuitive, but it can work wonders. If you're in the midst of a frustrating back and forth with your kids, just start chasing them and pretend you're the tickle monster or put some music on and start dancing. Sometimes this one can be hard when you're frustrated, but it can really work and help everyone refocus.These are just a few ideas that we can focus on and explore further in Therapy. If any of this struck a chord with you, leave a comment below or take a moment and schedule your free 15 minute consultation with us.
Written by Alexandra Field, MS, LMFT, MT-BC
Clinical Director, Psychotherapist & Music Therapist
